Sunday, July 12, 2009

...blah...blah....blah...

Lately I have been overwhelmed with so many things going on in my life. I have two babies that are crawling everywhere, getting into everything, and want my attention at all times. I have a husband who has needs, such as a clean house, dinner every night, and my attention as well. I have a job which continues to grow each day. I have so many responsibilities each day that I don't even have enough time some days to get my work done. I have school, for some reason I decided to take on two classes instead of one. While they are online, the amount of work that they demand of me is a lot and most of the time I come home from work and simply sit at the computer all night. In doing so, I leave my husband and my children to fend for themselves. While, yes Kevin is a wonderful father and I know he enjoys the time he gets to spend with them, I want to spend time with my family too. There are so many things going on in my life that I don't even know what to do some days. I just sit in a glazed over trance... Some days I don't even know what I am doing or what day of the week it is. Now, while being busy is a good thing... I don't think it is for me. I am too busy to enjoy what I think is the most important to me, my family. I know that I do get to spend quality time with them, it just not enough some days. It makes me sad when the babies go to bed and I didn't get to tuck them in. I know that I cannot make the days have more hours, and I'm sure if they did I still wouldn't have enough time with them anyways. It just brings on feelings of guilt I guess... actually I don't think its that. I just have these weird feelings like something is missing, I should be doing something different, just something... I don't know what it is though. I know that I am doing my best to spend time with my family and take care of my school work and to do a good job at my work... Are these feelings normal? Does anyone else experience this... or is there something wrong with me?

3 comments:

Michelle said...

Yes, that's normal! I went through the same thing when my first baby was about the same age. At the time I was enjoying a lot of success in my piano-life: I was playing for graduate student opera singers who were going off to audition at the Met, giving recitals, etc., and I was making some good money. But my husband was a full-time student, and I still wasn't done with my degree and taking two classes. I was in the RS presidency. And where did that leave my sweet baby? I can totally relate to what you say in this post. For me, it became a matter of prayer and discussion with Chris, but I ultimately decided that for us it was best for me to stop playing for so many singers. I limited myself to one day a week on campus. I started learning to enjoy time at home just with my baby. (I think most women do have to learn how to enjoy that--once you do, it is so awesome, though!).
Anyway, hope I'm not getting too big a mouth here, but it sounds to me like you're doing too much. That time of sweet babyhood goes by WAY too fast. And it never comes back. . . .
I know you'll do what's best for your family! You know where to get the answers. :)

Camille said...

I agree with the above commenter. It sounds like something's gotta give. I don't think you need to feel guilty about being stressed and busy, and I don't think you need to feel guilty if, ultimately, you decide that something needs to get taken off your plate (I just hope you don't decide to get rid of the twins!). : ) Can you drop a class? Work fewer hours at your job? Hire a maid? (Don't we all wish!)

My advice is basically worthless, though---I'm sure it's a lot easier said than done.

my kids' mom said...

First of all, I love both yours and Michelle's blog,wishing I could do one myself! But I agree, it might mean cutting corners more, but you have way too much on your plate and I can't believe you are still hanging in there! Would be great if you could work part time and/or take some time off.